10: 1955 Cadillac Series 62. A huge land barge with a 365 V8 and the Hydra-Matic automatic transmission. Sexy curvy styling, wings, total Mad Men and the herald of the glory that was the Golden Age of Man, the 1950’s. These things had huge bus-like steering wheels and wide couch-like bench seats. I just love the looks of these road going battleships. Riding in one eons ago was an eye opener in what “Disconnected” really means. It’s the street legal version of a clinical sociopath.
Still, as cool as they are, and as much as I love these things… I’ll never own one. They are huge and heavy and can’t accelerate or stop and wallow in the turns like a harbor tug 300 miles out in an ocean storm.
9: The Humvee. Not an Hummer H1… a real deal HUMVEE. Military issue. No creature comfort. Huge and unapologetically petroleum guzzling. The version I want is the Fast Back configuration. Of course if it came down to getting one, I’d opt for the more useful 4 door pickup version because that makes more sense, and then from there I’m looking at regular pick up trucks and I’d probably end up with a Silverado or F-150… like I did before with my 2500 Scottsdale Chevy. So I’d never end up with the Humvee.
8: A classic 1960’s Jag E-Type. Two seater, long Spitfire hood, convertible, dead sexy, and completely useless as a motor vehicle. They have more mechanical and electrical problems than a Slum Lord’s apartment building. But it’s also probably the most beautiful car ever made. I can never own one now thanks to Mike Meyers. This was the car used in Austin Powers, the “Shaguar”. Because I can’t get that Austin Power’s theme song out of my head every time I see one now. Yeah baby, YEAH! Screw you, Mike Meyers. Screw you!
7: Land Rover’s Defender 110. England’s most badass off-roader ever imported into the USA. For a short period of time. It was the best shining example of British Imperial Brutality since Salamanca in 1812. Sold for off roading to the public, the British Military takes them and uses them for long range recon patrols rolling through Iraq and Afghanistan not giving a shit about IED’s and RPG’s like they were in North Africa chasing Erwin Rommel. They are were badass when they were being sold.. and are still badass now because examples are all raw hotrods with four wheel drive. But I’ll never own one because they are now collector’s pieces in the US and if you find one for sale it’s either way too over priced, or beaten to hell and is worthless – but still over priced.
6: The Nissan 300ZX. Slipper aerodynamics in a clean and good looking design. Great engine, and for the first time, it proved that a performance car with an automatic transmission can out-perform an manual transmission. As much as I love the way these cars drive and handle… I can never own one because of the nail it put in the coffin for the Stick Shift. Still, they turn my head when they slide by on the road. Dang it, Nissan!
5: Tacoma Tacoma. These are my favorite looking pick up trucks on the road today. I love them! They look cool. They are legendary in reliability and highly capable. However they are small in the cabin, not quite enough room for me, and not nearly enough room for the back seats. And they drink fuel just as much as a full sized truck such as a Ford F-150. In fact, if I was set on buying a Tacoma, I’d end up driving of the lot in an F-150 because with practicality speaks, the Ford just makes sense and the Tacoma doesn’t.
4: Mazda Miata. The best true modern sportscar in the classic sense of “sportscar”. They are fun to drive and with some mods, gives enough performance to make driving it a thrill. Good brakes, good acceleration for what it is, and it rewards spirited driving. Simple little cars. No pretense. They really did the Miata right. But I’ll never own one. Because you can not drive one without looking like a flaming cock-gobbler.
3: Shelby Cobra 427. Sexy curvy fenders and ample wheel arches filled with big well endowed wide tires… drop dead sexy, make your tongue hard vehicular sex appeal. But the originals are really not all that great cars, and the modern Repro Kit Cars are actually better than the originals. And if you are going to drive a fake, what’s the point? It’s like going to Vegas and finding one of those Look A Like Actresses… That’s not Marilyn Monroe. Just looks like her. And that makes me feel seedy inside. So I’ll never own one.
2: Porsche 944 S Turbo. As a teenager it was my ultimate “want” car. I’ve almost got one a couple times… but always at the last minute I chicken out or there was something wrong with it that turned me off it. Like one that had a good price, looked great, but had an slight case of overheating after 45 minutes. I’ve never committed to it because I was afraid of it. Like dating the hottest chick at school that you always wanted to take out… and your worried that she might have horrible breath. The fear that the reality wont live up to the expectation. So to save the fantasy, you leave it as the fantasy. Which is why I’ll never own one. The dream of it is better.
1: Jeep Wrangler Rubicon or Moab Edition. It’s my automotive Unicorn. My Eleanor. The one vehicle that I’ve always wanted but have never acquired, because of one reason or another. When the means come, other vehicles make more sense for what I need… other vehicles have more space or more fuel economy or are faster or are this or that and I always end up not getting one… probably because I don’t find that one configuration and price that I like… And when I don’t have the means, that’s when I find “The Perfect One”. Just the right lift, not too much but more than stock… just the right size of over sized tires… but not too big. The one that’s perfect – was the 10th Anniversary Rubicon Edition. That was “Just Right”. But then they were so far over priced I just had to laugh. Still… I’ll always look longingly at a well configured Rubicon.
