Category Archives: Automotive

Automotive

My Top 10 Favorite Cars I’ll never own

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10: 1955 Cadillac Series 62. A huge land barge with a 365 V8 and the Hydra-Matic automatic transmission. Sexy curvy styling, wings, total Mad Men and the herald of the glory that was the Golden Age of Man, the 1950’s. These things had huge bus-like steering wheels and wide couch-like bench seats. I just love the looks of these road going battleships. Riding in one eons ago was an eye opener in what “Disconnected” really means. It’s the street legal version of a clinical sociopath.

Still, as cool as they are, and as much as I love these things… I’ll never own one. They are huge and heavy and can’t accelerate or stop and wallow in the turns like a harbor tug 300 miles out in an ocean storm.

 

9: The Humvee. Not an Hummer H1… a real deal HUMVEE. Military issue. No creature comfort. Huge and unapologetically petroleum guzzling. The version I want is the Fast Back configuration. Of course if it came down to getting one, I’d opt for the more useful 4 door pickup version because that makes more sense, and then from there I’m looking at regular pick up trucks and I’d probably end up with a Silverado or F-150… like I did before with my 2500 Scottsdale Chevy. So I’d never end up with the Humvee.

 

8: A classic 1960’s Jag E-Type. Two seater, long Spitfire hood, convertible, dead sexy, and completely useless as a motor vehicle. They have more mechanical and electrical problems than a Slum Lord’s apartment building. But it’s also probably the most beautiful car ever made. I can never own one now thanks to Mike Meyers. This was the car used in Austin Powers, the “Shaguar”. Because I can’t get that Austin Power’s theme song out of my head every time I see one now. Yeah baby, YEAH! Screw you, Mike Meyers. Screw you!

 

7: Land Rover’s Defender 110. England’s most badass off-roader ever imported into the USA. For a short period of time. It was the best shining example of British Imperial Brutality since Salamanca in 1812. Sold for off roading to the public, the British Military takes them and uses them for long range recon patrols rolling through Iraq and Afghanistan not giving a shit about IED’s and RPG’s like they were in North Africa chasing Erwin Rommel. They are were badass when they were being sold.. and are still badass now because examples are all raw hotrods with four wheel drive. But I’ll never own one because they are now collector’s pieces in the US and if you find one for sale it’s either way too over priced, or beaten to hell and is worthless – but still over priced.

 

6: The Nissan 300ZX. Slipper aerodynamics in a clean and good looking design. Great engine, and for the first time, it proved that a performance car with an automatic transmission can out-perform an manual transmission. As much as I love the way these cars drive and handle… I can never own one because of the nail it put in the coffin for the Stick Shift. Still, they turn my head when they slide by on the road. Dang it, Nissan!

 

5: Tacoma Tacoma. These are my favorite looking pick up trucks on the road today. I love them! They look cool. They are legendary in reliability and highly capable. However they are small in the cabin, not quite enough room for me, and not nearly enough room for the back seats. And they drink fuel just as much as a full sized truck such as a Ford F-150. In fact, if I was set on buying a Tacoma, I’d end up driving of the lot in an F-150 because with practicality speaks, the Ford just makes sense and the Tacoma doesn’t.

 

4: Mazda Miata. The best true modern sportscar in the classic sense of “sportscar”. They are fun to drive and with some mods, gives enough performance to make driving it a thrill. Good brakes, good acceleration for what it is, and it rewards spirited driving. Simple little cars. No pretense. They really did the Miata right. But I’ll never own one. Because you can not drive one without looking like a flaming cock-gobbler.

 

3: Shelby Cobra 427. Sexy curvy fenders and ample wheel arches filled with big well endowed wide tires… drop dead sexy, make your tongue hard vehicular sex appeal. But the originals are really not all that great cars, and the modern Repro Kit Cars are actually better than the originals. And if you are going to drive a fake, what’s the point? It’s like going to Vegas and finding one of those Look A Like Actresses… That’s not Marilyn Monroe. Just looks like her. And that makes me feel seedy inside. So I’ll never own one.

 

2: Porsche 944 S Turbo. As a teenager it was my ultimate “want” car. I’ve almost got one a couple times… but always at the last minute I chicken out or there was something wrong with it that turned me off it. Like one that had a good price, looked great, but had an slight case of overheating after 45 minutes. I’ve never committed to it because I was afraid of it. Like dating the hottest chick at school that you always wanted to take out… and your worried that she might have horrible breath. The fear that the reality wont live up to the expectation. So to save the fantasy, you leave it as the fantasy. Which is why I’ll never own one. The dream of it is better.

 

1: Jeep Wrangler Rubicon or Moab Edition. It’s my automotive Unicorn. My Eleanor. The one vehicle that I’ve always wanted but have never acquired, because of one reason or another. When the means come, other vehicles make more sense for what I need… other vehicles have more space or more fuel economy or are faster or are this or that and I always end up not getting one… probably because I don’t find that one configuration and price that I like… And when I don’t have the means, that’s when I find “The Perfect One”. Just the right lift, not too much but more than stock… just the right size of over sized tires… but not too big. The one that’s perfect – was the 10th Anniversary Rubicon Edition. That was “Just Right”. But then they were so far over priced I just had to laugh. Still… I’ll always look longingly at a well configured Rubicon.

Automotive

2013 Chevy Equinox 2LT V6 FWD

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As some of you know, I’ve taken off the motorcycle helmet and enjoyed the luxury of a four wheeled cage.  The requirements of my cage were complicated.  I needed to pull a trailer not just across country, but over the Rocky Mountains.  It had to have enough room inside to help in a move across country.  Clothes and “Stuff” for 3 people going One Way.   So I was thinking, “Truck” with such things as “Big” and “Four by Four”.  Then I took into consideration that once I reach my destination, those requirements were no longer required.  With a new career change and a new area of operation, I would have a whole new set of requirements.  Fuel Economy.  No need for all wheel drive, because it rarely every snows here in the winter.  Long Range Comfort.  The ability to get up and haul ass was wanted as well.  Throw in the requirement of being able to stow some large rifle cases when needed and my vehicle selection options started fall off the table.   I didn’t need four wheel drive anymore.  So no truck…  but I needed more room than a 2013 Camaro, which was a consideration.  Also, I hate getting pulled over, so I wanted something that would be “Road Stealth”.  Meaning a cop’s eyes just glaze over it as I slide past at 10 over.

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You guys remember my previous considerations.  And this one is a bit different.  The Equinox was the winner.  Smooth, good power delivery, and in the 2LT trim package, well appointed with the features I wanted.  This vehicle was purchased from Gus Paulos in West Valley, Utah.  If you are thinking about a Chevy – That’s the place to go.  The General Manager this a Rock Star, and you can tell him George, The Mad Ogre, Hill sent you.  They went out of the way to get the Trailer Hitch installed for me late on a Friday Evening…  Two Thumbs Up.  They did a great job.

Remote everything.  Even remote lift gate opening, which is a feature I didn’t really care about but now that I have it, will insist all future vehicles have.  XM, Sat, Blue Tooth, all that.  Back Up Camera, which is amazing now that I’ve gotten used to it.  Touch screen to control all of the tech.   Driving across country, I played Larry Correia’s SPELLBOUND book through Audible on my phone, through the stereo via Blue Tooth.  We also listened to STARSHIP TROOPERS, and a book called RED SHIRTS by the same author as Old Man’s War.  Great books, btw.  Made the drive across our vast nation very enjoyable.  The ride quality, comfort, and smooth ride, made the long trip easy… even pulling a trailer.  The 300 + Horse V-6 Engine was never labored in it’s task.  MPG were a consistent, 20 MPG’s while pulling the High Drag trailer.  And with the smallish 18 gallon fuel tank, stops to refuel were more frequent than I’d like.   However once that trailer was disconnected, something happened.

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Look at that read out.  That’s an average for 50 Miles.  Not just a down hill with a tail wind situation.  And I was cruising at a set 60 MPH.  31.4 Average, with a top average of 35… in a V-6 SUV with no hybrid stuff going on.  I don’t care who you are, that’s damn good.  (I’ve had motorcycles that didn’t get that good of mileage!)  And since where I’m at, 55 MPH is the top speed anywhere, these numbers are suiting me just fine.  To get these numbers, the engine is not down tuned, or leaned out.  It’s got power.  When you romp on it, you feel all those ponies start bucking and you move out.  When you do that though, hold on.  Torque Steer comes into effect big time, and you are going to have to fight that.  But when you do, and you get used to it, you can get solid launches and roll on passing power.  I find that the car is never lacking on power.  And all of this is with the AC blasting.  Because I found that I really love a cold AC.

Handling is good.  It’s no sports car, being a Cross-Ute.  But it’s no slouch either.  It handles far better than any truck I’ve ever driven, or larger SUV.  And it handles better than the peers in it’s category.

I like the looks of it.  It’s a clean design.  Aerodynamically, it’s slippery.  To the eye, if find it an attractive little Crossover SUV.  I love the look of the interior.  It’s got fantastic cloth seats, well vented so you don’t feel sweaty when it gets hot out and the AC hasn’t wound up yet.  Looking at any detail or area of the car, it’s just good looking. Handsome, but with out any raw sex appeal of a sportier vehicle that will make a cop look at you with scrutiny.  And come on, I’m a Motorcyclist, if I wanted raw performance and sex appeal, I’d jump on two wheels instead of four.

It’s easy to park.  Being as smallish as it is for an SUV, I can park it anywhere without being cramped.  It’s turning radius isn’t the best out there, but it’s better than most.  Really it does nothing outstanding but then again it does everything well.  It’s very Competent.  Consistently Competent.  Because those vehicles that do some things spectacularly well, do other things shockingly poorly.  This car just does everything well.  Price on this vehicle was 31,000 dollars.  Which puts it much less than other considerations with this vehicles features.  Such as the Jeep.  I see no reason for another 10-20 thousand just to have a badge that says Jeep. And realistically, I’m never going to go Rock Crawling again, so I just don’t care about the Trail Rated thing.  If I need something Trail Rated, I’ll use an ATV.  Value-wise, I think the EQ has been a home run.

The only vehicle I’d put against the EQ would be the Ford Edge… Another great looking Cross-Ute.  However the Edge isn’t going to give you the MPG returns the EQ can give you.   After getting to know the EQ, I’ve come to love it.  It’s probably the smartest vehicle I’ve ever had.

Automotive

Jeep Noob

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One morning recently I was on my KTM 525 MXC sitting just below the trail head to “SUPER SECRET TRAINING LOCATION 2”.  To get to SSTL2, you pop off Highway 121 where there is a narrow looking trail going up rather steeply to the top of the hill.  It looks daunting, but it’s really no problem.
I was sitting there adjusting my neck strap and gloves after having to stop to take a cellular call when a Jeep Wrangler Safari pulled up.  It hurt my eyes it was so shiny new.  The driver and his girl (smokin hot redhead) were wondering if they could make it up that trail as it looked too narrow, so they asked me if I thought they could make it up.
I told them it was plenty wide enough if they take it easy.  I explained how I used to go up it all the time in my Chevy 2500.  The driver… the boy… was unconvinced.
At this point a pair of Ford F-350’s came down the trail.  The second truck was pulling a trailer with a Bobcat on it.
I looked back at the boy, winked at the girl, flipped my visor down, and took off down the highway.  A mile later I looked back.  There was the Jeep.  The boy didn’t sack up and try it.

Automotive

Briefest car ownership.

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What has been your shortest period of car ownership?
I was studying the automotive market for Pony Cars yesterday, and I was reminded of a Mustang that I had briefly.  I don’t remember the year and I don’t think I have a photo of it… but it was blue and had a V-6.  It had a 5 speed manual, nice stereo, and every upgrade known to man to get more power out of the V-6… which was rated from the factory at only 210 horse powers and I don’t think it had any torques.  Exhaust and cold air intakes, this V-6 was actually pretty energetic.  It might have had upwards of 250 horses.  I had it a day.  I bought the car in Provo and then thought better of it as I brought it back the next day and traded it for a Subaru Legacy.  And then a couple days after that, I drove it to Virginia and back, through some serious snow storms.  I don’t think the Mustang would have allowed me to survive that. Thinking that was my shortest ownership of a car, I then remembered my Saab 900 Turbo.  It was black with some rust and cheap wheels and the interior smelled like bubblegum.  Back when I was working in IT in Salt Lake City, I found a guy selling a very nice SAAB 900 Turbo.  It was low miles and then engine was great.  Asking 1500 for it, it was probably worth that, but he was desperate to sell it.  I only had 900 dollars, and said, I have this much cash so take it or leave it.

He took it.  He filled out the Title and handed it to me, along with the keys, and I was off.  I drove it around Salt Lake and started to really like it.  I found myself flying south to Lehi, and then west… heading out to the West Desert.  Where I wrecked it.

I was doing power slides and larking about like a jackass.  It was in the middle of a pendulum turn, the car sliding sideways at full opposite lock when something happened.  I’m not sure exactly what it was.  Maybe a tire lost it’s bead and the wheel hit the ground.  Maybe something broke. Or maybe Heaven’s Office Manager said that I can’t have a Saab.  Which is fine, and I’ll explain why later.  So anyways, there I was, sliding sideways around a curve… when all the sudden the horizon flipped over.  And continued to flip about 9 more times.  Maybe 11 more times.  I don’t know.  I wasn’t exactly counting.  The Saab came to rest on it’s wheels.  Or where the wheels should have been.  One of them was just gone.  I think it ended up in Nevada.  The others were hiding up in the wheel wells.  Out of the top of the hood protruded what I think used to be the struts.  I was very lucky and pretty much unhurt.  I was mostly scared of telling my bride that I just blew 900 bucks cash on a roller coaster ride.

I was contemplating how my wife was going to kill me, when another motorist who had a cell phone stopped and asked what happened.  I said, “I don’t know, but I think I broke it.”

About an hour later the tow truck arrived.  It was of course a flat bed wrecker driven by a man who was almost brought to tears by the site of the ruined Saab.  He was a Saab fanatic and was rebuilding one of his own.  One with a blown engine.  As the story goes and luck would have it, by the time we reached I-15, he agreed to pay me 900 bucks for the remains of the car so he could take out the engine and use it in his car… and maybe any other useful bits that I didn’t destroy.  Like the shift knob.  He was happy. I was happy I wasn’t killed or going to get killed.

I’ve decided after that instance, that I hate Saabs.  Total time of ownership… just over 2 hours.

Automotive

Dear Ford

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Please bring back the Ranger pickup truck.  Other companies still have small pickups in their line up and they are selling well.  The Toyota Tacoma, the Chevy Colorado… What happened to the Ranger?  They didn’t sell?
Did you actually look at the Ranger?  It looked like the front end of an Escort… it didn’t look like a truck.  It looked like a little bitch trucklette.  Now go look at the Tacoma and Colorado.  The look cool.  Look mean and threatening.  That’s what guys want.  Guys spend their money on Sex and Violence and the Ranger had none of that.
Here’s what you do.  Draw a pissed off Ford Raptor.  Shrink it a bit to Ranger size – but somewhat larger, because the Ranger was too damn small.  Drop in your Ecoboost V-6 and give it some serious off road hardware.  Give it a good diesel option.  Give it a V-8 option with an optional 6 speed manual transmission.  Paint it Murder Black. 

Okay, now that you’ve done that – Make an SUV out of it, call it the new fucking Explorer and then Fire the asshole who made the 2012 “Explorer”.  And then hire someone to kick his ass.  And then apologize to America for making the Mother of SUV’s into a little bitch-wagon.

That is all.

Automotive

Top SUV’s

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As I said before, I have a Top 3 list of SUV’s.  I’ve studied the current market in detail, and compared all the vehicles in this segment.  I’ve dismissed the Cross-Utes out of hand as they are not true SUV’s.  This does not mean that I’ve dismisses a Unibody construction, but vehicles bases on car platforms and then swollen into a taller hatchback.   So here is my top 3, but not in any specific order.

Number 3:  The Toyota 4Runner.
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This is one of the last true Truck based SUV’s in it’s class.  This is a real Body On Frame rig here, and that gives it some some advantages over the rest.  Towing, off roading, and otherwise not being ever mistaken for a Girly-Ute.  Just look at it… It looks pissed.
4.0 Liter V-6, 270 Horses, room for 5, and rolling 17 City/ 21 Highway.
While the 4Runner is under powered, it’s high degree of off roading chops give it an advantage.  But it loses points for not being made in the US when Toyota is making other vehicles here.

Number 2.  Dodge Durango.
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The new Durangos look awesome.  Aggressiveness personified.  A lot of the stuff under the skin is actually Mercedes developed.  This gives it some advantage over the older Durangos.  In fact, the new Durango shares nothing more than the name with the older rigs.  These are now unibody rigs, which is not a bad thing.  Dont call them a cross-ute though, as the platform is shared with the Jeep Grand Cherokee.  In fact, they are coming out of the same factory.  Unlike the JGC, the Durango doesn’t pretend to be an Off-Road Warrior.   These are build for streets, with occasional Soft-Roads.  Most SUV’s live on pavement only anyways.   I didn’t pay the new Durangos any mind because of this… at first.  Then I saw one in person.  A local LEO friend drives one now, and It is 100% Bad Ass.  His is the R/T version.  I really love the looks.  It makes me question just how often I would go off road… the answer is probably more than the Durango would be comfortable with.

Number 1.  Jeep Grand Cherokee
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The new JGC is that guy you always hated… You know that guy, the one that is good looking with the trophy wife and everything always falls into place for him and he always wins everything… that guy.  The JGC is that guy in automotive form.  It does everything pretty damn well, and it looks great.  The V6 version does good on gas too, for a vehicle in this class.  The V-8 version can tow 7400 pounds…. enough to pull a Senator’s arrogance.  And it can off-road very well.  Not really Moab rock-crawling, but you can easily go trail exploring.  The SRT version though, it goes around taking lunch money from sports cars… sports cars built in Italy.  But the one I like the best is the upcoming diesel variant.  That gives you over 700 miles range per tank.  That’s amazing to me.  The only problem I have with it, is I like the looks of it the least.  And there are a million of them around town.

All three have solid good points.  All three have downsides… well… except for the JGC.  I’m still trying to find actual faults.

Automotive

Toyota 4runner

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The new 4runner
The new 4runner

I’ve been looking into the SUV market and I’ve grown fond of three of the new models available.  The number 1 and 2 of my choices will be discussed in a future post.  Number 3, I do like a lot, but it is under powered compared to the others, and well… every time I look at it… I think of Cylons.

I could hit that.
I could hit that.

 

Automotive

What the hell is wrong with Jeep?

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Due to a couple comments by my Father, and seeing a few running around town, I’ve been thinking about Jeeps a lot lately.  So I wandered over to Jeep’s official brochureware site to take a look at the line up.

Jeep doesn’t have one.

Jeep makes the WRANGLER, which is a stand alone icon of the brand.  And then they make two others with two other slightly smaller versions.  This isn’t a Line Up of Vehicles, this is a dramatic lack of imagination and vision for the Jeep brand.

You have the Jeep Liberty, and it’s slightly smaller twin the Patriot.  Then you have the Grand Cherokee and the little brother “Compass”.  None of these vehicles are explained.  It’s up to you to figure out what they are for.  I’ve owned a couple Jeeps.  A regular Cherokee (Jeep XJ) and a full sized old Wagoneer with an Earth Gobbling V-8 engine that loved to overheat and explode.  Very different vehicles that needed no explanation.  With these new Jeeps, at best I can come up with is that these are for His and Hers kits.
I enjoyed our old Cherokee XJ.  We drove that rig to hell and back and most everything under the hood was worked on by Yours Truly until my mechanical prowess no longer was enough.
“Huh, hitting it with this rock didn’t fix it this time.”
I miss that old Cherokee.  It had Character.  It was unique.  It started out as a 4X4, then I put in a 4 inch lift and then broke the transfer case so it was only a 4X2… but that didn’t stop it.  It was still a mountain goat.  What a great little truck.  You never questioned what it was… it was a Jeep.
Since that time, Jeep has come out with some odd ones… the original Jeep Liberty from 10 years or so ago, looked like a Wrangler and a Grand Cherokee did the Naughty and this little Baby thing crawled out… Like a hard top Wrangler, squished and rounded.  I test drove one, with a Diesel Engine.  I hated it.  Not because it’s engine was truly guttless and just felt tired… but because the rig felt like it wanted to fall over.  On it’s face.  Especially under braking.  I was grabbing on to things because I thought the Liberty was going to do a forward somersault.
Evidently the Liberty is the Spiritual Successor to the Cherokee XJ.  It’s grown up from the little baby Jeep it was, into a more well rounded, and by that I mean Squared off and Squared Away Jeep.    But then you have the Patriot, the smaller version of the Liberty that looks exactly the same, but you just parked it a little further away.  The Patriot must also be a step child, being build on the same factory line that builds the Dodge Caliber, but it doesn’t get any of the Dodge Caliber’s Machoness.  (Not that there was enough to share)
Okay, the Grand Cherokee… I like them well enough.  There is the base version, the more comfortable version, and the “I don’t want it to get dirty” version.  For Grins, there is the Evil Twin version that they call the SRT8.  I have no problem with that, but where is the serious Off Road Oriented version?  Where is the Grand Cherokee with the Lift and the bigger knobbier tires and the Lockers?  A Grand Cherokee Rubicon if you will.  Where is that version?   Don’t talk to me about the TRAIL RATED sticker when the damn thing has 20 inch polished wheels and Street Tires.
Then there is the Compass.  WTF?  “I wanted the Grand Cherokee, but not so Grand.  How about a Trial Size?”  This is a Patriot with a different face on it.   It might look like a little Grand Cherokee, but it even has the same engine options as the Patriot.  I don’t care if you have one and like it… it’s useless.  You could have had the Patriot and at least got a little more room inside.  This isn’t a Ute of any sort… Not a Sport Utility, not a Cross over, it’s just a Car.  (spit after reading the word “Car”)  Jeep branding on a Car.  That’s just freaking sad.  Do you know what they made on the line before the Compass?  The Dodge Neon.

Jeep needs to bring back the Gladiator and the Scrambler.  Actual Jeeps crossed with Trucks.  Don’t think that would sell?   AEV builds the Brute for 100 thousand dollars, and they sell every one they build.  Why the hell can’t Jeep build this?

 

 

Even though the Jeep company has lost its vision and purpose almost entirely, I’d still love one. A Rubicon Unlimited… a real Jeep. And if I was going to get one, I’d have to get one before they are built in China. Jeep was once a proud American icon. And it could be again, if the Brand was to stay in the US and pull it’s head out.

Automotive

Ford Expedition

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Every time I get ready to get a new car, something happens and I don’t… and I’m stuck on my bike. Like this… Her Explorer died on us. Transmission decided it didn’t like having teeth on the gears. So, here is her new (to us) Ford Expedition. I actually really like it. Big, Solid. Stable. Powerful. Comfortable. And with room for Wife and I and our six sons.
Also, this is a test of my new Drift HD camera and Microphone and Remote. It all works.

Groovy.

Oh, for those wondering, this is not at Ogre Ranch. The light blue Explorer there, that’s her old rig with the dead tranny. I’m thinking 50 pounds of Tannerite.