Tag Archives: Sloppy Joes

Sloppy Joe’s Suck

I freaking hate “Sloppy Joes”.  Sloppy Joes… Meat’s Epic Failure.

Look, you have a pound of ground meat… and you just ruined it.  You could have had Tacos.  You could have made it into a couple good burger patties… But you didn’t.  You made Sloppy Joes.  Don’t give me that Manwhich bullarchy.  You ruined it.  Admit it.  It’s kinda like saying you are going to make an Omelet, and then cocked it up and made Scrambled Eggs instead, and then cleared your sinuses into them.   That’s what you did with the ground meat… same thing.

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Toss some chili powder on them… some taco seasoning on the ground beef or whatever and make some Tacos.  Tacos are always win.   ALWAYS WIN.   Don’t have some tortillas, well, you are wrong and you are living in Kitchen Fail… but hey, you can always make a pot of chili out of it.  And that’s damn fine eating.

I mean, hell, if you have to make Spaghetti with it.  Boil some pasta, and poor that over the stuff over those noodles.  You’ll be fine.

But to mix a BBQ type sauce into the meat?  Oh hell no!  Look if you want BBQ flavor… make a burger and put the sauce on top of the burger.   That’s a good burger.  A BBQ Burger… We can all live with that.  And be happy.

But to make Sloppy Joes with that meat… Oh my hell… That’s giving up on life.

Don’t give me that “You’ve never had my… whoever the hell it is Sloppy Joes”.  No… I never have.  And no, I never will.  You will never get me to try it.   I will just look at you with disgust and disappointment and walk away… Probably to my car so I can go find a 5 Guys or a Cook Out or a Sonic… or some places that knows what the hell to do with a pound of ground beef that isn’t blowing excretion into it.   Sloppy Joes Suck.