Scooter Guys

Guys should never ride Scooters.  I don’t care who you are, where you are, Scooters are for Chicks, not Dudes.  A Dude on a Scooter is just wrong.

For Example.

Now there is nothing but right with that.  If you look like that, by all means, ride that Scooter.  We’re going to overlook the complete lack of safety gear… and just appreciate this for what it is… A moment of zen… a moment to contemplate the beauty in the world.

And then there’s this guy.  Wrong on all counts.  Don’t be this guy.  No gear, riding a Scooter while on a Cell Phone, and he’s guilty of being a Dude On a Scooter.  Someone should smash him with a 2×4 while he rides past… for his own good.  Yes, I know who that dude is.  Doesn’t matter.  He’s still wrong.  Very wrong.

28 thoughts on “Scooter Guys”

  1. I have seen a midget on a scooter before. If I wasn’t going to hell prior to that, I laughed hard enough to reserve myself a spot.

      1. Hey George, what about all the hard-as-nails road racers who ride scooters in order to move about in the paddock? Certainly a little dispensation is in order for them.

  2. A friend of mine did the Four Corners tour, plus, on a 250cc Honda Reflex scooter. Plus meaning, he rode from Anchorage to Valdez, caught the ferry to Bellingham, rode the Four Corners tour (entails visiting all 4 corners of CONUS within a certain time limit), then up to Nova Scotia, and back across Canada and home to Anchorage. He went through several sets of tires, two or three drive belts, a couple of stator coils, and several weeks of vacation time. That was 10 years ago, and he’s still riding it today.

      1. I asked him once why not a bike, and he said he just doesn’t like the seating position on a bike, and that the scooter is more comfortable. Dunno, I wouldn’t get on either on the street because I’ve known or known of too many people who are physically f—ed up because they were riding and some guy in a car screwed up.

        But he’s out there riding, and probably has a lot more miles on that scooter than most of the people who laugh at him have on their bikes, if they ride at all.

  3. Ogre – you took the words right out of my head. Illustrated perfectly!
    If you ever get down South we have a cool place to ride “real bikes” called the “Tail of the Dragon”. Riders from all over the world come to experience this section of public road that is a mecca for bikers, not scooter riders…The dragon can be found here: In fact it is so challenging it has it’s own “death map” for riders who went outside their skill level…no kidding it’s here:

    1. I would love to ride that road. I’ve been hearing about it forever. Now, if they would just ban trucks off that road!

    2. Just be careful, they have been cracking down on speeders on that stretch of road. There is also a great offroad trail, I think it is called Parson’s Pass, that runs from the natioal park to the dragon’s tail.

  4. I have a friend who thought about getting a scooter. After seeing a someone who looked a lot like him on a scooter, we all poin ted and told him “Don’t be that guy!” The best description was a fat man on a little bike.

  5. A good buddy of mine uses a scooter as his daily commuter. He’s trying to support a house, wife, and kid and it was all he could afford. His answer to anyone who does not like it is “buy me something better.”

  6. Guy on a Scooter is OK if/maybe: 1.) he’s Italian and it/he’s in Italy – and the further south down the Boot the better – or 2.) if he’s wearing a fuzzy-hood “anorak” and is ripped to the gills on pills and the scooter has a dozen mirrors and lights and doo-dads all over it…

  7. Large displacement highway scooters are not cheap. One of the reasons I went for my little Ninjete was I found it used for about $2K. Before I sold it off I had people on the street offering to buy it because of the gas hike. I’ve found at highway speed the larger wheels of a motorcycle give you more stability and a better response. In my uninformed opinion if you can’t handle a motor cyle you should not get on a scooter.
    If you get a scooter and you don’t cough up the money for protective gear you running an unnecessary and potentionaly expensive medical risks and riding gear that protects you is not cheap.
    Around most large urban areas if your ride can’t get up to 50mph you’ll be in danger from the cages.
    Having said that I’d be good money to see a photo of the Orge on a scooter.

  8. IMO there’s always a case for the male scooter rider who’s tight on cash and lives in town. Here in my city, I see a few 40s age guys riding a scooter, not wearing business suits, who just need to put bacon on the table where appearances have to take a back seat to practicality. Besides, 90 MPG is certainly better than a 20 MPG car! And since they can be had for a fraction of a motorcycle, while I think they might look dumb, I won’t trash an older guy riding one. You can probably be assured he’s not doing it by choice. 😉

  9. If you are going to buy a scooter get a name brand with a nearby dealer, in other words buy one you can get parts for. A Honda or some other major Jap brand. You may find that hauling a large person with cargo on a regular basis (lots of miles) is going to be rough on a small displacement motor and transmission. Consider also the climate that you live in.

  10. I have one scenario where it’s okay for a dude to ride a scooter. While on vacation on a smallish island to get around on. A vacation with your significant other. Two scooters. One for each. If you are riding with a lass on vacation and on an island I think it’s acceptable.

    Otherwise yeah, I wouldn’t do it.

  11. Scooter chicks! I love ’em! Best thing about a sunny day in Rome is watching all the lovely babes on scooters roar around!

  12. I know this is an old post but had to comment.
    I have rode scooters for nearly 35 years.
    Owned more than I can remember. I’ve torn them down rebuilt them put thousands of miles on those 10 inch wheel.
    I totaly agree with you.
    Scooters are for Chicks, not Dudes.
    I think it is like guys who like to wear dresses (not me).
    They look horrible in em but they still like wearing em.

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