I’m not Vintage, just Out Dated.

My wife has scolded me because my faded jeans are out dated. “You’re stuck in the 80’s.” She said.
“What are you talking about?”
“Those faded jeans are so 80’s. You need new jeans. Yours are out of style.”
“Fine, I’ll get some new jeans.” After all, last thing an Ogre wants to be is out of style. Actually I just want the whole conversation to go away now. Consent by exasperation.
I buy a pair of new, darker jeans…. and she’s happy about that. She says that they look much better and life goes on. That was a month ago, or so.

So last night, after work she picks me up and we have to go get something at “That Mart that Must Not Be Named”. I didn’t want to wait in the truck, I figured I get me a Coke Zero or something… so I broke my own rule and went in. Man, you can really forget how much you hate a place.
So we go walking in and there are some racks of Wrangler Jeans on sale. They are faded, so I don’t even look at them. Been told not to, right? Well, The Bride of Ogre starts going through them, picking some out and putting them in the cart. I’m a little confused here.  “What’s with this?”  I asked.

“These are for Kilo (code name for my Eldest Son I’ll use here because I don’t post the names of my children) he’ll look great in them.”
“Hold on a sec. I thought these were out of style… too 80’s.”
“No, these are Vintage… see how they are faded?”
“My jeans are faded…” I said, but she ignored me.
“These are so cool…. he’ll look great in them.”
“Now wait a second, I had to get new jeans because they were faded, and now your buying these faded jeans… because these are vintage?”
“Uh huh.” She nods, as she puts a pair in the cart.
“I don’t get it.”
She pats me on the shoulder, “I know, dear. And you never will. Your not vintage, your out dated.”
I still don’t get it.

10 thoughts on “I’m not Vintage, just Out Dated.”

  1. I think it’s not THAT they are faded. It’s HOW they are faded. Or she could be using her woman logic to talk you into going shopping. Sucker!

  2. She’s just making sure you stay off balance. She can’t let you get too comfortable with your feet solidly under you, so to speak, or bad things could happen.

  3. A happy marriage includes letting your wife dress you when the mood strikes her.

    I don’t understand it either, I just accept it as true, one of the “Murphy’s Laws Of Marriage”. Hasn’t steered me wrong yet.

  4. Woman logic is exactly like Marine Corps logic. I’ll never understand it, but I learned not to question it.

  5. Sounds about right Mr. Ogre whats old is out and what is new is old or vintage and and and owww I just hurt my brain thinking of this Oh well Good Luck with this.

  6. Next thing you know, she’ll have you wearing those new metro skinny jeans with the huge white stitching and pointy shoe/boots. I can see it now, and it’s disconcerting…A friend’s wife bought him some of those pants for Christmas, he asked, “what are these?” He stood his ground and said, you didn’t buy these for me, you bought these for you. You wear them! I think it was probably worth a few nights on the couch…

    Stand your ground!

  7. Ogre, check out Red Head jeans at Bass Pro. Bought a few pair myself, and have gotten a number of compliments from my lady friends. I’m sure they’ll pass muster with Mrs. Ogre. Excellent quality, and they’re VERY reasonably priced.

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