Dear Ford

Please bring back the Ranger pickup truck.  Other companies still have small pickups in their line up and they are selling well.  The Toyota Tacoma, the Chevy Colorado… What happened to the Ranger?  They didn’t sell?
Did you actually look at the Ranger?  It looked like the front end of an Escort… it didn’t look like a truck.  It looked like a little bitch trucklette.  Now go look at the Tacoma and Colorado.  The look cool.  Look mean and threatening.  That’s what guys want.  Guys spend their money on Sex and Violence and the Ranger had none of that.
Here’s what you do.  Draw a pissed off Ford Raptor.  Shrink it a bit to Ranger size – but somewhat larger, because the Ranger was too damn small.  Drop in your Ecoboost V-6 and give it some serious off road hardware.  Give it a good diesel option.  Give it a V-8 option with an optional 6 speed manual transmission.  Paint it Murder Black. 

Okay, now that you’ve done that – Make an SUV out of it, call it the new fucking Explorer and then Fire the asshole who made the 2012 “Explorer”.  And then hire someone to kick his ass.  And then apologize to America for making the Mother of SUV’s into a little bitch-wagon.

That is all.