Trunk Monkeys

I’m concerned about Trunk Monkeys right now.  The term comes from the funny videos on YouTube, just go there and look it up.  It’s amusing.  But what’s not so funny is the job of Rear Security and the guys that have to pull this slot.  They are called “Trunk Monkeys”.  This is not an easy job to pull if you get tasked for it.  Reason being, you get told to be the Trunk Monkey, you jump into the back on an SUV and it’s pretty much up to you to make the best of it.

Trunk Monkey in Nepal.

Detail in Israel.

You can see these Trunk Monkeys are in the back with gear, tools, an unsecured spare tire…  No safety, no protection.  These Trunk Monkeys are hanging it out on the line more than anyone else in the detail.

Looking Cool is a Priority in the US Secret Service. Note how everyone is looking at the photographer who is about 2 second from getting lit up.

This is one of the most famous Trunk Monkey photos out there, as this one is US Secret Service.  I’m not giving anything away as this one has been out there for years now.

Now, of the Trunk Monkey is lucky, he’ll at least have a seat or something.  But again, very little protection for the Agent in the back.

This is how you make the best of the situation… With a really big freaking gun.

This guy has a seat and a weapon mount to help him do his job better.  Maybe a seatbelt, and some upgraded body armor…. but again, the protection is minimum his movement in the vehicle is minimum. The fronts of the vehicles are protected with bullet resistant glass.  The backs?  Not so much, and especially not if the rear window is opened.

I’d like to see an armor plate on that weapon mount.  Something to help deflect some incoming fire..  I’d like to see a swiveling seat on a slider so the Trunk Monkey and can move side to side to better engage and avoid threats.

Uncle Musket

In the Uprising Saga, there is a character called “Uncle Musket”.  Uncle Musket to many, just Musket to me.  For those that don’t know, “Uncle Musket” is a real guy.   He is in fact my younger brother.  He posts from time to time on WTA.   Recently he just posted his thoughts about an Automatic Pistol:

 

You buncha unholy meddlers and mad alchemists have true topped yersefs now!
This damn thing! Have ye any shame? An arm far defense is it? Whot?
Through the mad currents of private trades, I have this we bobble of an alleged defensive pistol and by the dark blazes you magazine and cartridge people make me ill sometimes!

Right then. This lilliputian thing.
So, yes, OF COURSE this thing runs on metallic cartridges…very small ones.
Damn your eyes! “Oh well, you see it’s 380, and that’s not very far from 9mm!” 9MM! 9mm is a fair size for lock plate screws, not bores, you giggling twits! Did this JUST to make me mad!
Well, so, here it is. It’s bloody SMALL. Has a trigger there. The whole fool thing is the size of a proper arm’s trigger mechanism. The “grip” such as it is, made of poly-I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU CALL THIS CRAP!…holds a tiny magazine which contains the preposterous metallic cartridges. Each cartridge has a primed disk on the back…damn stupid thing to do…prying that little thing out for repriming…you people must have wagon loads of spare time…so, this tiny magazine rides inside this tiny grip handle…which is designed for a beetles’ pinchers more than for a man’s hand…you can’t club a footpad with this shameful gadget! Stoopid! If one of my stock cutters or locksmiths showed be this!
Six of the cartridges in the magazine mind. Cause, holy hell, havin six of the nonsensickle things make up for it’s glaring USELESSNESS!!
So now…this is a compact 380…polycrap frame…the SLIDE…purports to be steel of some kind.
The barrel. Look at this. This! is a pistol barrel! This sad broken pipestem is a pistol barrel!
You buncha gibbering loons.
Oh by the greenman’s beard do I feel deprived! Poor silly old me! I’m too ignorant to prance about your stone and glass cities stingin my sciencecraftic mates with these tomfool 380s!
My dear wood gods…pinacle of guncraft this…theres the magazine release…perfectly made for a fairey staff to articulate. That little speck there…
Fine! Grand! If you lads load up with these Gnome guns! You’ll dominate the field!
Stay back! He has a fel 380 of top sciencecraft! That little blob in his hand! Thass a GUN!
Thanksa bushel for this! I’ll toss out all me kit and wield this mighty cannon till me dying days!
No ball mold either!

I would like to see a whole series of Uncle Musket Reviews… but that’s his business.