101 things to do with the Quran.

Islamic-Rageboy is furious...

1. Cut a hollow out of it to make a handy box for storing your jar of bacon bits.

2. A prop to hold open the window in your bathroom when you funk it up.

3. Tear out the pages one at a time for pee-pee targets to train toddlers to pee in the toilet.

4. Booster seat for young kids so they can eat their ham dinner.

5. Put strips of bacon between pages to blot off excess grease.

6. Rifle rest to improve your aim when shooting at cartoon Mohamed targets.

7. A hollowed out Quran makes a great place to stash your Girls Gone Wild DVDs.

8. Pages make good toilet paper when you run out of Charmin.

9. Dip pages in past to make volcanoes for the school science project.

10. Shredded Quran makes good packing materials for shipping holiday hams.

11. Clean up oil spills in the garage.

12. Stacks of the Quran can make step stools for reaching things up high.

13. Cut the cover off and put it around the pulp novel your reading so no one knows.

14. Book covers for school books.

15. Put one under the leg of that wobbly table to balance it out. Remove pages to adjust hight.

16. Coloring book to keep kids quite at Church.

17. Soaked in wax and kerosene to use as fire starters for camping.

18. Give shredded Quran to Rip Taylor for his festive entrances.

19. For that Paper Clock you always wanted to build.

20. Testing knife sharpness.

21. Make piñatas out of pages, fill them full of candy and let kids beat them with sticks.

22. Hollow one out to use as the collections tray for church.

23. Drill holes half way through to use as a sorting tray for your reloading bench.

24. Makes good Box of Truth test media.

25. House train puppies with pages.

26. Discipline unruly students or spouses.

27. Inner wall insulation to improve your home's R Value.

28. Paper Boat Races in open sewers or canals.

29. Bricks for constructing outhouses.

30. Fuel of electric generating plants.

31. Fine shredded Quran can be used as kitty litter.

32. Break down the pulp to distill for ethanol based fuel.

33. Origami pigs.

34. Line bird cages with select pages.

35. Land fill.

36. Paper towels for serving BBQ pork.

37. Jewish brand toilet paper.

38. Sandwich wrapper for bacon/ham club.

39. Use pages for paper mache bra/panties for strippers.

40. Fish Wrapper for bugle mouth bass (carp).

41. Confetti for ticker-tape parade for returning soldiers.

42. Wadding for cannons at same parade.

43. Spray scent on it and use as urinal cake or automatic bowl cleaner.

44. Use to teach little boys where to aim.

45. Print on cigarette paper and roll your own smokes.

46. Glue pages together and use as a load cover for your hog manure.

47. Take to church and use as gum receptacle instead of under the bench.

48. Fear Factor eating contest.

49. Use to wipe up rib-bbq mess instead of paper towels.

50. PULL!!!

51. Target for target practice.

52. Wrap five in pigskin for use with left arm curls to build up off-side muscles. (Left hands touching the Koran are forbidden because that is the "wiping hand.")

53. Baby's first finger painting book.

54. Tie shut with pigskin strip, then use for fetch with big dog.  (The mullies hate dogs.  One more reason that they are fucking worthless and need to die.)

55. Dip in BBQ pork gravy, give to Rottweiler or Shepherd for tasty chew toy!

56. Rather than waste plastic baggies and expensive restaurant napkins, use pages as paper towel for picking up after dog on urban dog walks.

57. Confetti for the classic clown and Harlem Globetrotter's bucket of water to confetti chase gag.

58. Campfire kindling.

59. Cuttable base for wobbly table leg.

60. Pyrotechnics testing medium.

61. Stunt books to replace valuable reading material in library fire scene in home movies.

62. Smacking Wahabbits street preachers in the head with your mad ninja book shuriken skills.

63. Torn pages and duct tape can be combined into improvised direct pressure compress.

64. Torn pages rolled into strips are less embarrassing when pulled out by mobile surgeon than a tampon in a penetration wound.

65. Pose with cat with quote "I can has intolerance" for macro on I Can Has Cheeseburger site.

Copyright G H Hill 1999-2012