There are 3 Key movie elements that has become rather popular in most any movie these days in one form or another. If you have one of these Elements in your movie – Your Movie Sucks. If your movie has more than one, it really sucks.
Roller Coaster Scenes. Any Scene where the characters are in a run away vehicle of some sort, coal car, mine car, Sled, or just sliding down a long thing…. I hate Roller Coasters. Disney Animated Movies are famous for these things.
Costume Change Montages. The Character is trying on multiple outfits. As found in any chick flick, these scenes usually are book ended by Shopping Montages.
Hysterical Screaming Women. The woman character, regardless of looks or relationship to the protagonist, can do nothing but scream.
There is one movie that pretty much touches on all these elements to one extent or another, and I hate it. It’s classified as a Non-Movie. A piece of Film Garbage that is not mentioned or referenced – ever – due to the massive suckage.
I had to use a clip that didn’t have that stupid bitch screaming so I wouldn’t shoot my computer.
Bonus Element: Dragons. I fucking hate Dragons. Unless it’s Smaug. Or Management. Those are the only good dragons. Your Dragon sucks.
This list is for Horror Lightweights… Which means for most people living in Utah. But the Ogre lives in Utah and this list is something he might watch at 3 AM because he can’t sleep. *Yawn*. I’m bored and tired just looking at that Fail Roster.
Okay, The Ring and The Thing are right up there for great Spook Flix… but they don’t SCARE me. I’m not exactly sure what it is that really scares me… but there is one that stands out that scared the shit out of me.
There are two kinds of people out there… Those that have seen EH in the theatre… and those that have only seen it at home, safe, in your little box. Event Horizon scared the shiat out of me. 3 days later, I climbed a wall backwards trying to get away from my wife… because I was having a nightmare about EH. Uncle Musket did the same thing 2800 miles away after watching EH, three days later. Hell, I had nightmares and couldn’t sleep for a week.
The Woman in Black… with Daniel Radcliffe is a new movie out on disk that’s well worth watching. It has great Lovecraftian atmosphere and tells a good story. It’s scared a lot of people I know… and is now in my favorites list of Creepy Movies. You’ll have to check it out if you’ve not seen it.
I liked it and I didn’t like it. First off, let me go over what I didn’t like…
I hated the stupid flying aircraft carrier that turns invisible. Okay, the Carrier was cool to a point… that point being right up till the moment it started to lift off up out of the water. That suspension of disbelief request by the film makers was just too much. Then on top of it… it can go invisible. No… I don’t think so. You have all this great technology but still can get shrapnel out of Tony Stark’s chest? Really?
The huge amount of CGI with so much crap happening on the screen all at the same time… it gives me a headache. This is one of the reasons I didn’t like GI Joe and it looks like the same people that did that did this.
But what I liked – Joss Whedon’s script. The dialog and the way he wrote the interaction between the characters was absolutely brilliant. You have Super Heroes here, which requires a lot of suspension of disbelief already, but you have dialog that makes them human and makes them real.
I also liked how you have these super heroes with earth-bending powers… and a chick with a pair of Glock’s can keep up. In her tight black cat-suit. Wish her hair was longer like in the last Iron Man, but still. I liked Hawkeye too. The actor, the lack of high collars and capes on him… I liked that. The Arrow Head selecting quiver was a bit much… but it was still good.
I’m going to pass on seeing this movie. I have to.
You see… I watched Starship Troopers. I watched Battlefield Earth. Left the theater with teeth clenched, fists balled up tight, and tears in my eyes. Hollywood ruined a couple of my favorite books.
I didn’t read comic books as a kid, I read thick novel of epic scale. The comic kids have had it easy. Ironman. Captain America. You don’t have be humiliated saying you loved reading it… Or looking at the pictures as the case may be. But saying Starship Troopers was your favorite book is tantamount to saying you eat boogers. Those films of my fondest memories were so bad… I just can’t do this again…
This is the new Title Sequence for The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Many have said it’s better than the original flick. I liked the original films… so if the title sequence is this badass… I’m going to have to go see it.
Both versions of “True Grit” are now on Netflix. The classic version with John Wayne, and the new one with Jeff Bridges.
After reviewing them both carefully and considering everything… I’ve come to the conclusion that new version is indeed the better movie. Better casting, acting, directing, and it’s more realistic. John Wayne plays a great John Wayne, but Jeff Bridges absolutely becomes Rooster Cogburn. Hailee Steinfeld plays Mattie Ross brilliantly, and upstages both veteran actors. She is amazing and adorable… unlike the original version’s Mattie Ross, who was completely annoying throughout. Better violence, harsh and stark, the way it should be. A better ending too. And the new version has the ultimate creature of nightmare making… The Bear Hat Man.
In No Order:
Everything Directed by Michael Mann. Everything.
Big Trouble In Little China
On Any Given Sunday
The Fifth Element
Last Man Standing
Outlaw Josey Wales
Hell Boy Continue reading Ogre’s Top Flicks→
I’ve posted about favorite car movies and chase scenes… But I’ve never brought up this one.
Now, I am not a huge fan of George Looney Clooney, but he does a great job in this film “The Peacemaker”. In this scene, we have a car chase up to the point that Clooney says “Screw This” and turns the table. He stops running and then uses his big Merc as a warhammer and demolishes the two little Bimmers that are chasing him. You almost feel sorry for the little guys. Almost.
Nicole Kidman spends a lot of time showing off how good her bottom looks in slacks. Eh, pretty good actually. The rest of the movie is fun, but not to be taken seriously. Nicole’s character is the least believable out of all of them. Oh, I also like the scene when Clooney jumps from chopper into the truck. That’s good stuff.
So, what is your favorite Carmageddon Moment?
These are my favorite SciFi flix, all for the same reasons. They all have something in common. They each create a new universe… Some, like Sunshine, do it in a very subtle manner… Others like Dune, do it overtly and hit you over the head with it. I think if I was going to teach a class on Science Fiction, these movies would be foundational on “World Building”.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the end all of a movie list… These are just my favorites… And in my opinion, must see movies. If you haven’t seen one of these movies, you are indeed wrong. Clarification on Dune… It needs to be the Alan Smithee version. The original director cut too much out. Aliens, has to be the extended version. And with Blade Runner, don’t get the Director’s Cut, get the Original, with Harrison Ford’s voiceovers.
I like the darker stories… That’s just me. Bright shiney ones, like the new Star Trek film… Just fine. But I prefer darker stuff.
I also like the SciFi to leave some things unexplained. Like future technologies… Show them, but don’t try to explain it to the audience. Characters wouldn’t explain things to each other… Unless the tech was brand new to that universe and it being paramount to the telling of the story.
Give the technology some limitation. See, SciFi has technology like Fantasy has magic. I don’t want to see tech or magic being the answer for everything. The future tech and universe is just the setting and framework a good story is written upon.
I watched an interesting movie about a Roman Centurion who takes it upon himself to recover the Eagle totem of the lost 9th Legion. I thought it was very well done and was quite interesting. To a point.
The film makers did a great job on the Romans. They took all sorts of time creating everything to look historically accurate. And then they take the Romans north of Hadrian’s Wall and it all turned to crap. Evidently the film makers want the Romans to look clean and shiny and the Scots to look like they are soggy and smeared in scat. Until they get very far north and run into the Huron Tribe of Native Americans. They called the tribe the Seal Tribe, supposedly some primitive Celts of some sort, but I forgot I was watching The Eagle and thought I was watching Last of the Mohicans. I take umbrage at this. The Scots of this time were indeed rather primitive and rustic… but they didn’t look like Indians and they didn’t shave their heads and they didn’t build silly little tents on the edges of north facing cliffs. The film makers had a hard time filming on that location because of wind and rain blowing down their tents and such. That should be a clue. If you are wearing layers of Columbia Arctic Gear, Rain Gear and you have to keep putting the set back together… you can probably imagine that the Early Scots in that area were not shaving their heads, running around naked with ash smeared all over them and living in wig-wams. They probably had long hair, wore a lot of furs, and built houses of some sort that could stand up to the weather they are living in. Even the early Scots had a distinct culture and society. They had standards of dress and hygiene. Just because they were not Roman didn’t mean they were cave-men.
So The Eagle had great Romans… and the Scots were rubbish.